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When Johnny Cash first penned “Folsom Prison Blues”, he was not thinking of going to jail himself. Musicians from time to time tend to get themselves in serious pickles. Relying on management teams, lawyers and in the case of Motley Crue, the excuse to go on tour to get out of long sentences. A majority of us mere mortals would be in jail for life, but that’s why we revere rockstars. They laugh in the face of the laws that many of us abide by, and this week’s blog looks back on the crimes they perpetrated.
The following crimes are ranked by how heinous the act committed is.
OZZY OSBOURNE- THE ALAMO
When many think of Ozzy Osbourne, we think of all the crazy antics he’s been up to over the years. Biting a head off a bat, riding a motorcycle over a deactivated WWII landmine, snorting ants, marrying Sharon. It’s a wonder this man’s even alive at all. Despite all those previous hits, he was picked up by the authorities for public urination. In 1982, after a concert in San Antonio, Ozzy did what he does best, he got drunk and had a great time. He walked around San Antonio after a few dozen or so cases of beer all while wearing one of Sharon’s’ dresses. A few cases of beer go through a man like Ozzy quickly, and he walked over to the Alamo, and you can guess where it goes from there. He was later charged for public intoxication and banned from San Antonio for ten years.
Heinous Ranking: 6/10- Disrespect for public landmarks and getting banned from a city.
JOHNNY CASH- LOS PADRES FOREST FIRE
Johnny Cash wrote “Ring of Fire” about love, not hatred. During his formative years in 1965, the musician accidentally started a forest fire. His truck broke down at the Los Padres national park and started a blaze. His camper shot sparks out of its exhaust system when the musician was stuck on the side of the road. He tried to gun the engine and the sparks ignited the fire. Cash’s nephew who was along for the ride, said his uncle Johnny was drunk at the time. He allowed the fire to go on, which killed 49 of the areas 53 condors. Cash later faked an illness to avoid appearing in court and eventually paid a fine of $82,000 in damages.
Heinous Ranking: 9/10- Johnny Cash is responsible for a condor genocide.
DAVE MATTHEWS BAND- CHICAGO RIVER INCIDENT
You know your band made it big when you have two separate Wikipedia articles written about you. For the Dave Matthews Band, they left their mark on the Chicago music scene in more ways than one. During a two-night stint in Chicago, the band traveled with five busses. The perpetrator in this case, Stefan Wohl, drove the bus for the band’s violin player. Meanwhile, in the Chicago River below, open air summer boat tours were underway. Wohl was driving alone during the interim between both nights. He decided to relieve the bus of the backwater tanks during this time. Just as the bus passed over the Kinzie Street Bridge, those who thought Dave Matthews Band sounded like s**t, now had even more reason to do so. A tour boat passing under the bridge received the full contents of the backwater tank. Two thirds of the 120 passengers were covered in excrement and it covered every orifice of the boat. Wohl pleaded guilty to the reckless act, served 150 hours of community service, and a $10,000 fine.
Heinous Ranking- 5/10- Tourists did not suffer any long-term trauma and the band apologized.
DON’T THINK TWICE, IT’S BOB DYLAN
How is Bob Dylan going to make a biopic about his life when there are people who still don’t recognize him? In 2009, Dylan, the infamous political song writer was arrested not for his activism, but his looks. He was detained in Long Branch, New Jersey, by a young officer who failed to recognize him. The singer was in the area for a concert tour when he wandered into a lawn of a home. The home had a For Sale sign on it, and the owner became spooked by the sudden appearance of Dylan. In the homeowner’s defense, Dylan was hooded and walking alone in the rain. One of the occupants went so far as to follow Dylan down the street. The officer called to respond was suspicious of him and asked him questions regarding who he was and what he was doing there. The singer provided honest answers, but the officer was still suspicious, so she apprehended him for identification. The officer made some small talk with Dylan on their ride to the station, never fully believing him. She eventually returned him to the tour bus, where upon further identification, confirmed he was indeed Bob Dylan.
Heinous Ranking 1/10- Listen to some real music kid.
TAKE A RIDE ON THE WILD SIDE
Motley Crue may be one of the most successful and controversial bands of all time. The reason being is that their antics backstage are equally as dangerous as those on it. Singer Vince Neil is responsible for this week’s final entry. In 1984, he met his friend Nicholas “Razzle” Dingley, drummer of the 80’s metal band Hanoi Rocks. The two bands had been friends for years and Vince Neil invited them to a multi-day party in L.A. During the third day, supplies were dwindling. Vince, who was visibly drunk, went to the liquor store with Razzle as his passenger. When Neil didn’t return to the party after an hour, the host decided to find them. Passing by a car wreck, he thought nothing of it until he saw Vince in handcuffs. Vince lost control of the car after hitting a wet patch of road. His car was struck by two others and Razzle was killed on impact. Neil escaped injuries and jail time after only serving 20 days due to prior contracted touring commitments.
Heinous Ranking 10/10- Neil was riding without seatbelts and had an alcohol level of .17. He decried that day as “one of the worst I’ve experienced”. Keywords, “one of” meaning he’s had worse.
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